Linear B

Signs were incised into clay tablets shaped like a palm leaf. After the tablets were written they were stored in baskets without being fired. The only tablets that have been found are those that have been accidentally fired, often in the conflagrations that destroyed the palaces where the archives existed.

One dam Ingin

“Queequeg no care what god made him shark,” said the savage, agonizingly lifting his hand up and down; “wedder Fejee god or Nantucket god; but de god wat made shark must be one dam Ingin.”

God said

God said let there be light so he took his hammer and saw.
God said let there be dirt and he dug it.
God said let there be air and he blew it.
God said let there be clams and he was happy as all get-out.
Read all about it in the funny papers.

God said send the wife down to the cellar for another can of air.
Goid said check the expiry date.

Numerical sourcebook for poets, No. 1

Bond prodigieux

i’ll wager you a quarter to noon
payable at two bits on the buck
to brownies at four o’clock
all shaved and a hair cut
that the tail gunner ain’t worth his weight in salami
when god is my copropilot

please wait here while your software is unloaded
click here for the private parts
meet constance, one half asian
off half cocked on the go
escallope as a snail at midnight

shell shocked as she sells cockles
as busty as the wind
nailed as the day is long
toothsome to boot
gain root

my firewall was squawking like a chicken
they rounded up a bunch of the homeless
for failing to install fresh batteries in their smoke detectors
lots of work for the monkeys’ uncles

download this sertified program to cleanse your hard drive of unpatriotic material

oddly enough, the oil barons were expert climatologists

Searchers continue to comb the remote Nemiah Valley west of Williams Lake for a mushroom picker who went missing a week ago.

Karloff’s Infinity

Karloff is to Reed as Bacon is to infinity. Network error connecting. Can you hang on a second? Let me run the evidence eliminator to destroy my history. Enabling the pop-under ad killer. Implementing boss key. Homeopathic file shredding to 21 dilutions. Cookie manager. Click here for free password sites. Real amateur housewife pics. Core dump. I think we’re clean.


“Homeland Security announces charges against Marxist narcoterrorists in Fargo.”

Connected. All systems a go-go.